Jesse James

Last night was the first time I had to drive by a wooden cross that meant anything to me. As much as I did not want to stop anywhere near the place my friend had passed away I could no longer drive. Too many tears. It was almost as hard as seeing him in the casket.

Jesse James Ruckman passed away 2-8-11, he was 22 years old. He lost control of his car and I no longer care to repeat the details. They hurt. Although Jesse and I were not extraordinarily close I have known him since we were kids. Once upon a time we were neighbors and he will forever be a hero to me. Many years ago Jesse saved my youngest brother from dying on a road, it doesn't seem fair that one now gets to claim him.

Although this is difficult I know that Jesse would want us all to keep on smiling. He had a special knack for making anyone smile at anytime. He was a great friend and had a heart of gold. RIP Jesse, we love you and we miss you.

Time to Update:

Since my last post I have completed my undergraduate studies and taken the position of summer auditorium manager. I'm still confused about my relationship status, but I guess in the grand scheme of things it's not something I should be worrying about as I'm searching for a job and considering moving.

There you have it, short, sweet, and too the point.
Hopefully I'll have some good news soon. :)

P.S.
I was attacked by a squirrel again, I'm starting to think they really might be conspiring against me! LOL

The Worst Day Since Yesterday

Preview was a disaster.

Things were looking so great last night and then today happened....

I went to class, idk, I guess I'd like to graduate. Not that that's going to happen with a paper two weeks past due date and two failed tests in history. I'm going to be so angry if that's the only thing that keeps me from graduating. Maybe I can take the summer manager position and stay up here while I work, take the class, and get my diploma....

Not the issue at this moment though.

Good Person of Szechwan has been such a great opportunity to see what I can do with lighting. I'd like to say I'm happy with it, I'm not. I didn't get a chance to do my cuing the way I wanted to because so many other things happened. It was bullshit. I couldn't have my cyc down today, opera dropped off all of their stuff in our lobby so it had to go back into the hole.... I had to take help from people that didn't really have time to give it to me. I feel like I've been a week behind on this design for the past month. It feels like everything that could possibly go wrong has. Most of those things have been outside of my control. I've been looking for that happy balance between school work and productions and I ALMOST FOUND IT. But then I ended up running what felt like at least half of every call when it wasn't my job.

I hate feeling like I'm being told that my cuing has priority but then I never get it. I don't want to be a bitch and demand it. I feel like I don't know enough and that I'm not aggressive enough to accomplish what I want. I don't like to get aggressive because once I do it's hard to pull back. And I feel like I'm being told to be aggressive, yet not get an attitude. I wish a few other people would have their attitude put into check, or at least brought into question. Why does the fight always have to be my fault?

Anyhow, per Lucas' request I'm going to go stop thinking about the show, get a hot shower, and go to sleep. I'm half way breathing now....I couldn't earlier....

I love theatre, it doesn't love me...

Two More Weeks

I'm sitting in the studio starring at my set. I'm distracted from my homework because I'm wondering how all of the final pieces will appear by tomorrow, how I'm going to fix things w/my actors when one couldn't show up for rehearsal this afternoon, and how our first tech rehearsal is going to go tonight....

I'm also distracted by thoughts of car shopping, the things in my price range thus far have not been so promising. I wish I had an extra thou to throw on top of the settlement, that would boost the quality of my options incredibly.

I'm also thinking about the mound of work again, I managed to tackle things much more efficiently at home. Does actually being in Indy really stress me out THAT much? I don't get it...changing location should not change my ability to tackle one problem at a time.

Okay, finished whining, maybe I can focus now...

Bang'em up

Never in my life have I been more terrified than in the 2 seconds it took Billy to respond to me after we were hit head on Saturday night.

We were on our way home from Batesville, heading down 229 around 7pm. I came around a bend just outside of Peppertown to find oncoming traffic in my lane. I remember slamming on the brakes and white; the air bags obstructed my view.

We are very lucky, I was the only one injured. My ankle is sprained with some small tears in a couple of the ligaments, that's all! It's amazing how much a car doesn't matter when you're little brother is okay and you walk out alive.

Possible Changes

The University has created a new position; I'm applying and seriously considering the job. If I were to be hired I would be managing the Wheeler Arts Center's theatre. This includes lighting, sound, and maintaining the space. I've talked to Fritz, he thinks I can handle the job and suggests I at least apply.

This leads to my first set of major questions: Could I take on this position and still keep my position as a student manager? Do I want a second job? I need the money, but do I have the time?
Second set of major questions: Which job would benefit me most? Where can I learn the most? Would I have to run Wheeler's events and if so would they fit into my schedule?

In my ideal world I would be able to have both jobs. Wheeler could teach me new management skills and let me put my knowledge of areas outside of lighting to a greater use. UIndy offers technology that Wheeler could never come close to, therefore I have a lot left to learn as a student manager. Ransburg has all digital boards, something I'll need to know how to run if I do get into the professional world. Wheeler is all analogue, I know basic analogue functions for both sound and light, but it is still a good skill set to master. I would have to learn another way of cabling, etc, etc, etc.

If nothing happens else happens this position opening has prompted me to ask Fritz A LOT of questions and he's given me great answers. Example: I now have a much better understanding of how a dimmer functions.

So, as everything stands now, I will be applying for the job. IF they do call me in for an interview and consider hiring me I do not know if I will take the position. I have more questions about this position than I have ever had for an employer. The job description is vague, Fritz has led me to believe this is because the University doesn't know exactly what it wants yet. I'd like to visually see what I'd be getting myself into so I'm going to email Ryan (the alum that I believe would be in charge of hiring me) to see if I can set up a tour of the facility.

I Resign...

I hereby tender my resignation as an adult. I want to accept the responsibilities of and 8 year-old again...to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you upset. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So......here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause....
"Tag! You're it."


-Author unknown

I found my post show song!!!!

Lullabies

So, after talking to Dustin I've been singing lullabies most of the night. I sing many songs to the little ones in my life; however, only two of the songs are actual lullabies.

Here's the one I know in English. Unfortunately I cannot find a decent recording of the German one...I guess you'll just have to ask me to sing it for you!

Kendra Lee Sauerwein

I'm a Godmother!!!

Kendra was born September 25 at 7:07pm. She was 6lbs 3.5oz, 19in, and perfect!

It's been a long, long time

Update!

I just found out last night that I will indeed be directing a show in December. It isn't anything big, but I still get to do it! I will be doing a cutting from "Same Time, Next Year" by Bernard Slade.

Also, I may have worked my last day ever at Kelley's Sunday. I'll miss it there but I hope I don't have to go back...I would like to do something w/my degree. Ann and Rich had a great vacation and I was happy to discover that I am capable of running the store, even if it was just for two days.

Jury

One flat note, four bad breaths, and I was corrected by one of the judges.
I think I sounded okay, but I got really nervous and didn't actually "perform."
I have no idea what my grade sheet will say, I kinda want to be sick thinking about it.

Focus...

Why can't I find it?...it's so frustrating! I'm sitting here with all my research and I know what I want to say, but as soon as I sit down to type my mind goes blank. Grrr!!!

End of semester...

It's here and I wish I could say I was ready for it.
I still have to write five papers, do a final project, prepare a speech, and finish out the shows.
Less than three weeks to go.
God I'm ready to go home.

Christmas break, ACTF, and the new semseter

I really should start updating this more often again...I'm sure the long posts are getting old. *shrugs*

I'll start with the most recent news....

I finished my first week of the semester and so far things look like they're going to be great! I'm ubber excited about my Adult Aging and Development class! I get to do my field studies at an assisted living facility and I'll be visiting a nursing home. The assingment I'm most excited about is the interview...I'm going to set up a date with my grandpa and use him as my subject! ♥

The week before school started I made a trip up to Saginaw, Michigan with my theatre department. We brought a show, Spike Heels, to compete at ACTF.
If you would like to know more about the festival check out the website: www.kcactf3.org
We had a full house for every performance! I was the light designer and master electrician. I lost my crew/board opp at the last minute so a lot of my preparation didn't help me out as much as I had hoped it would. The "fixed plot" I received wasn't so fixed when we started loading in either....grrr!!!!
I ended up running the board and although my crew was not replaced I did receive some extra help from Mason, Manny, AnnieB, Lucas, Jim, and Fritz when they had time to spare. Thanks guys! :)
I was stressed for most of the load in (we only got 4hrs to put up our entire show and fix the cues....) but I did learn a lot and I'm thankful for the experience.

I spent New Year's Day with Mom and the boys. Dick came over and we had sauerkraut with lunch. I'm not really superstitious but I love that tradition!
New Year's Eve I ran all over the place! I started my evening at a dinner party, then went out for karaoke, and ended the night at a friends house drinking and sharing stories. :)

I spent the 26th-30th celebrating birthdays. Happy Birthday to me, Britt, Lauren, Katie, and Lori!
I saw my entire family for Christmas between the 24-25th. Mom's side of the family came to our house and I got to help cook for 30+. :D

BIG NEWS!!! On the 24th Marie AND Lori had their babies! Olivia Nicole (named after me! *dances*) and Wyatt Henry!!! I got to see them both! 8D


On my first night back I went to Kelley's Store Christmas Party. :)
Brubaker gave me a ride home, went to the party with me, and stayed for the weekend. I finally got him to come to Franklin County!

Thanksgiving

Finals week starts bright and early on Monday so I find myself lacking the motivation to make this entry terribly detailed...

Thanksgiving was alright, like everything else this year it had its ups and downs.

1. Mom had her hysterectomy two weeks before I made it home from UIndy. She's healing well and should be back to work soon. Aunt Viv switched us holidays so we wouldn't have to get everything ready so quickly after mom's surgery. Viv just had her gallbladder taken out in the not so distant past but she was in much better condition to host a party than mom was. I don't really know why the two of them didn't ask somebody else to host the family gathering, oh well...

2. The Sauerwein side was fun, I ended up staying at Viv's til about 1am. I didn't hang around as long to visit the Schwabs. I think I'm losings my tolerance for people with age. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate anybody, I just hate having the same conversation over and over again. Ex: "How are you? I never see you anymore. How's school. Why don't you ever come around?" People need to realize that the door swings both ways. Oh...and that my phone does ring! Just like the door...the phone rings both ways! After I've been around for about two hours all I hear about is how I'm never around...I take that as my que to leave. If you want to spend time with me maybe you should talk to me about things that matter, or talk to me like I'm in your family and not some stranger. Ok...enough ranting for now...

3. Mom tricked me into going shopping on Black Friday! *grumbles*
Although I swore to myself that I would NEVER go shopping on Black Friday again this year wasn't so bad. We got a later start, meaning Mom didn't wake me up at three and put me in the store with all those crazy assholes. I ran into Andy Davis...it's like our yearly tradition. We don't even run into each other in the same city every year but somehow we find one another. I find it comical. I also finished Christmas shopping for my brothers; I got better prices on everything I bought so I guess it's kinda worth it. Oh, and Momma got me new bras and I got the pretty bag from Victoria's Secret for free. XD

4. Turkey Shoot! Turkey Shoot is an annual paintball game the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We go with friends from the Franklin County area. Kyle, Billy, Brad, Cody, and I all made the game this year. I love it! I'll be posting pictures on facebook soon if you want to check them out. :)
Oh, and p.s. Emma's mom makes the best venison chilli!

5. Tragedy hits and we leave the paintball game early. Grandpa Bill and Grandma Betty's house burned down. Everybody made it out safe and it wasn't a total loss. The second floor is gone and the first floor is lost to water damage. We were able to salvage some things. We found grandma's jewelry, grandpa's guns, some family pictures, and both of their safes. The material things are not what is important in this case. I wouldn't care if I never saw any of those things again in my life, what matters is that the people I love are safe. Red Cross helped my grandparents out by providing them money for some new clothes. The firemen also looked out for their health and got the medication out of the house. I am grateful to everybody who has helped my grandparents or offered to help them.
Insurance is going to cover a place for them to rent while they figure out what they're going to do next. They are getting ready move to Batesville this weekend. They will probably be there for atleast the next six months.

Tech Week

We started our tech runs of Spike Heels this weekend.
I've been having lots of long days that turn into long nights, that then run together and make it hard to even figure out what time it really is.

I may have taken on too much work, but this "hell week," as we like to call it, hasn't truly been hell in comparison to past shows. I'm actually pleased with myself as a lighting designer. :) It's my first real design and I didn't expect it to go this well. You get a lot of adrenaline out of surprising yourself when things work out better than you hoped.

I'm also the master electrician, which means I have a crew, but as far as lights go it's mostly me. I take a lot of pride in that.

The only reason I feel I took on too much work is the fact that I'm still enrolled in 18hrs and I have A LOT of work due tomorrow that I've hardly started on. (Which I will be getting to momentarily, I just needed a mental break. Yay blog!)

Well, here's to hoping for a strong finish to tech week and a great run of the show!

Weekends in September Rock!

Labor Day:
I ran into Stevie and Wayne! I took them with me to the annual fish fry and ended up going to Wayne's house for awhile afterwords. He let it slip that he played guitar and sang so I made him serenade me. It was awesome!

September 6th:
I got to go home to see The Moving Wall. It's a traveling memorial dedicated to all of the fallen and missing veterans from the Vietnam War. If you ever get the chance to go see it I suggest you check it out!

After the wall we went out with Mom and Dick, then later on in the evening Heather and I went out for our first experience in a Brookville Bar. I'll just post some pics, they say more about it than I can.



September 7th:
I got to meet my new baby cousin! Ella Marie is so adorable! XD



September 13th:
I took my little brother to his first concert ever!
We went to XFest in Indianapolis and saw Hinder, Trapt, Apocalyptica, Candelbox, Bullet for my Valentine, Puddle of Mudd, and Buckcherry. XD


September 19th:
Cherry's 21st Birthday!
The evening started out at her place with a house party. I got to meet her mom which was pretty cool, after it started getting later we went downtown to The Blu Lounge. It was nice, interesting atmosphere and lots of interesting people to watch. lol. Brubaker was amazing and decided to be our DD.

September 20th:
Quentin and Meaghan came to visit! I made them plus Kyle, Kelley, and Brubaker biscuits and gravy for breakfast, then we all went shopping. Next we returned to my apartment and played (more watched the boys play) wii. The night ended with a movie (Hancock) and Skyline. I was so glad they came up to visit. It's always great to see people from home, especially the ones you really care about! XD

September 26:
Rzyski, Roberta, and I walked the canal downtown. :)

September 27:
I went and got Sushi with Yen. It was delicious!
Then we ran to the mall and I got a new book on massage techniques, I can't wait to try them out! And last but not least we went to see Kung Fu Panda with Cherry and Curtis. Good times.

New Apartment!

I'm officially completely moved into my new apartment! XD
It's nothing spectacular, but it's mine!
The apartment has six rooms and I share it with Yen. Another HUGE plus...I HAVE MY OWN BEDROOM!!!!! *dances* This is the first semester I haven't had to share my room and I'm already doing sooo much better when it comes to keeping up on homework. :)

Hello

To follow up on the American Idol auditions...I had fun! XD
I didn't really go with the intention of moving on to the show I just wanted to spend time with friends, go audition for the experience, and sing. I got exactly what I wanted! XD (How often can a person really say that? lol) I haven't sang like that in front of that many people in years and it made me feel so alive! I miss running around singing at the top of my lungs all the time! I should do it more often.

My grandpa is recovering from his surgery. Hopefully this will be the end of the prostate cancer. Cross your fingers!

I'll be moving back to Indy soon. I'm so ready. I'll have an apartment and I'll be living with my friend Yen! XD Move in date is Aug. 20th.